Well, I'm a Tumblr...

If your child listens to classical music:

• The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
• The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
• The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
• The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
• The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
• The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
• The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
• The Wagner Effect: Child becomes a megalomaniac. Speaks for six hours at a stretch.
• The Schoenberg Effect: Child never repeats a word until he has used all the other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talk backwards or upside-down. Eventually people stop listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand him.
• The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
• The Stravinsky Effect: Child is prone to savage, guttural and profane outbursts that lead to fighting and pandemonium in preschool.
• The Shostakovich Effect: Child only expresses themselves in parent-approved ways.
• The Cage Effect: Childs says exactly nothing for 4 minutes and 33 seconds. Preferred by 9 out of 10 classroom teachers.
• The Glass Effect: Child repeats one word over, and over, and over, and over....
• The Rachmaninoff Effect: the child will have rather large hands and an affinity towards really long words.
• The Cowell effect: Child prefers to use eating utensils and other every day objects for purposes that are really outside of what they should be used for. Also seems oddly queer in everything ze does.
• The Tchaikovsky Effect: Child idealizes everything in hir head and also really, really, REALLY loves ballet.
• The Paganini Effect: Child sells soul to the devil. Is remarkably talented. +10 against devil vs. Child fiddle offs.
• (some nice additions to the original )